Collaborative Problem Solving

Finally....I intent to finish this subject today....right now.

How to implement PLAN B or collaborative problem solving.....

Since the last post, you sat down with the ALSUP and identified your child's unsolved problems. Curious about the PLAN B FLOWCHART (I hope), you printed it out and identified 3 unsolved problems and are wondering how to implement the next step on the flow chart; which is, adult taking the lead on Plan B. And guess what? That is the beginning of collaborative problem solving.

Plan B (or collaborative problem solving) begins with 3 (difficult) steps: Empathy, Define the Problem, and the Invitation. You'll want to print out the Plan B Cheat Sheet. 

After identifying your child's unsolved problem, you sit down with him/her and begin with the Empathy step.  The cheat sheet has some examples and help on how to do this. 

Then it's on to DEFINE THE PROBLEM. Here is where you'll want to make sure that both your concerns and the child's concerns are on the table. 

The INVITATION STEP is where you will brainstorm  solutions that will address the concerns of both parties. Remember, you are looking for solutions that make sure the problem doesn't happen again. A good solution will be realistic (don't set your child up for failure) and mutually satisfactory. The invitation step will end with an agreement to return to Plan B if the solution isn't working. 

So that's it! Good luck! 

You'll want to watch the videos on Lives in the Balance website. Start with Dr. Greene's overview of Plan B. And look at the videos on Plan B in Action. 

Unsolved Problems

It's time....time to stop focussing on the behaviour and start solving those problems (or, at least, identifying them....).
Okay, let's identify those problems, so we can start the New Year solving them!

Remember (as I've explained in previous posts), challenging behaviour is not "the problem". The problem, or unsolved problems, are examples of times when a child's lagging skills are making it difficult to respond adaptively to specific demands. Challenging behaviour is an indicator that your child is lagging skills.

I know...I keep saying I'm going to write about collaborative problem solving and then I start writing about something else....like lagging skills.

Be patient with me a little while longer.

You ask your child to do his/her homework and he/she has a meltdown. What expectation is the child having difficulty meeting? The problem is that he's not doing his homework (note: the problem is not the difficult behaviour). When identifying the unsolved problem, keep free of challenging behaviour and adult theories and try to be specific. He has difficulty doing his homework after school, before supper, after supper? Does he have difficulty with all homework or just math, english, science? Is it the writing, reading? So these are some of the skills he may be lacking. Dr Ross Greene has a worksheet for writing down those unsolved problems and identifying some of your child's lagging skills; the ALSUP. Print it out and start using it. As I've identified in this paragraph, there may be a lot of lagging skills behind each problem.....don't worry about it. As you (and your child) solve the problem, the lagging skills will be taught indirectly.

So write your list.....all the problems you want to help your child solve. Dr. Greene suggests you choose at most 3 unsolved problems to work on at one time, beginning with the problems that are the most severe and the most frequent. I would just start with one and as you solve that one, you can tackle the next. You've identified the unsolved problems!

In my next post, I will have you find the Plan B Flowchart and help you with the steps of the collaborative problem solving technique!

The Three Options for Solving Problems

So I'll get right into it....

You've asked your child to do something and he has a meltdown. What do you do?

Well, first you need to understand that you're child would do well (would do what you asked) if he could....okay....this one is a hard one....especially in the heat of the moment. But things aren't always what they seem. The most important theme of Dr. Greene's model is the belief that if kids could do well they would do well. In other words, if the kid had the skills to exhibit adaptive behavior, he wouldn’t be exhibiting challenging behaviour. If you haven't looked at Dr. Greene's "Lives in the Balance website"....you really should. Here it is:  http://www.livesinthebalance.org/. The website explains that "the definition of good parenting, good teaching, and good treatment is being responsive to the hand you’ve been dealt." Okay, so you're understanding that "Challenging behavior occurs when the demands of the environment exceed a kid’s capacity to respond adaptively". Clearly, your child does not have the capacity to adequately respond to your request (or demand....whatever it is you need him to do). Great...but the kid is having a meltdown....ah!

What are those three options for solving problems?
The site says....."There are three ways in which adults try to solve problems with kids: Plan A (which is unilateral problem solving), Plan C (dropping the problem completely), and Plan B (that's the one you want to get really good at)."

Let's look at Plan A: Well, seeing there is a meltdown, Plan A definitely didn't work!

Plan A requires handling a problem or expectation through the imposition of adult will. So if your child isn’t meeting a given expectation, you respond by imposing your will; saying things like, “No,” “You must,” or “you can’t”....that's Plan A and it will greatly heighten the likelihood of an explosion.

So we move on....to crisis management....defuse, de-escalate, keep everyone safe. And this is probably where we would implement Plan C. Yes, drop your expectation. This is where the book, "Loving What Is" by Byron Katie can come in handy.....http://www.thework.com.

At the moment your child is having a meltdown, you pick yourself up and perform emergency Plan C, you drop your expectation. It's Okay. For children that have a mountain of problems, you may want to drop many of your expectations. And use proactive Plan C; create a list of "issues" you've all agreed will be dealt with in the future.

But how will we deal with these issues in the future? This is where we use Plan B: The Collaborative Problem Solving Approach. You will have to identify your child's "unsolved problems". What skills is he lacking that precipitate the challenging episodes? Then choose two or three high-priority unsolved problems you want to solve. Now you're ready for Plan B! What the following video from LivesIntheBalance.

I'm going to have to leave you here. I know we're not ready for Plan B yet! In my next blog, I will help you identify those "unsolved problems".....and then you can start Plan B....

The Explosive Child: The Collaborative Problem Solving Approach

Dr. Ross Greene was speaking at the Centennial Theatre in North Vancouver last week. His delivery of the "collaborative problem solving approach (CPS)" has improved since I first heard of his work 5 years ago. And...the term "collaborative problem solving approach" will change....legal issues....

Anyway, I'm assuming you read my previous two posts. Remember...Explosive outbursts occur when the cognitive demands being placed upon the child (or person) outstrip that person’s capacity to respond adaptively. These kids are not "attention-seeking, manipulative, coercive, unmotivated, and limit-testing". Their parents are not "passive, permissive, inconsistent, noncontingent disciplinarians". Dr. Greene explained and it's written in "The Lives in Balance" website, "We now know that they (the children) are lacking skills, not motivation...skills like flexibility/ adaptability, frustration tolerance, and problem solving. That knowledge makes it possible for us to help these kids in ways that are much more humane, compassionate, and effective."

Anyway, Dr. Greene's workshop was very clear and informative and, basically, I feel like I can get started with his CPS model right away....with all my children....with everyone....it's really what we all should be doing....but I will not sit here right now and explain it to you because, honestly, I don;t have the time....instead, I'll write a series of blogs (what fun!) and we'll navigate the website The Lives in Balance together.

"The Lives in Balance" website is a great place to get started....but how to get started???? We first have to understand that:


Kids Do Well If They Can

This is the most important theme of Dr. Greene's model: the belief that if kids could do well they would do well. In other words, if the kid had the skills to exhibit adaptive behavior, he wouldn’t be exhibiting challenging behavior. That’s because doing well is always preferable to not doing well.

If we don't believe this, then the children won't. Along the way, they will start to believe that they can't do well. We need to believe in them. Watch Dr. Greene's explanation of Kids do well if they can. Watch Dr. Greene as he explains that "Your explanation for a kid's is challenging behavior has major implications for how you'll try to help." And you've noticed all the other video clips....

On my next blog entry, I'll look into the three options for solving problems, and then...we'll finally look at plan B and we can start solving problems collaboratively.....!

oh....by the way....you might want to subscribe to my posts...see links on the right. Eventually, I will figure out how to blog on my iPhone and then it will be way too difficult/confusing for me to email all my articles.